The Success Myth

Twenty-five-year-old Kevin Breel is a successful comedian. He’s handsome, charming, and in the prime of his life. His TED Talk received nearly 4 million views. He published a book when he was 23. Everything looks grand on paper, but beneath the surface, things are different. Breel struggles with depression on a daily basis.

“It’s hard to talk about,” he says. “And to add to that, you don’t see it on social media.” Most postings from friends and family on social media are positive. From the outside, it looks like everyone is in a constant state of perfection and joy, which makes things tough for people who are struggling to understand why they aren’t happy.

Psychologists call it the “Success Myth,” the paradox of being successful while at the same time being chronically unhappy. Breel thinks this happens because your external self and internal life are two very different things.

“A lot of my friends are entrepreneurs and people pushing the envelope; and if anything, those kinds of jobs make you more susceptible to the stress that comes from the pressure of success,” Breel says. “What people don’t understand is that succeeding at all of those things outside of yourself can’t fix the things that are wrong inside.”

Don Mordecai, MD, National Leader for Mental Health and Wellness at Kaiser Permanente, agrees with Breel. “Mental health is influenced by a multitude of factors, some of which can originate from early childhood. If you’re only focused on one element of your life, such as professional success, you could be neglecting underlying issues important to your happiness and overall mental health.”

The results of a recent Harvard University study that spanned 80 years concluded that money and fame are not the answer to lifelong happiness. In fact, good relationships were “better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes,” according to The Harvard Gazette.¹

And Dr. Selena Snow, a psychologist who specializes in depression, says that in part, the problem with focusing on success and career is that it can become your sole identity and only source of life satisfaction. “If something doesn’t go the way you wanted, it’s tough to tolerate,” she says. Creating a balance between work, family, hobbies, and other interests help diversify value in your life. Then, if one thing doesn’t go right in your career, it’s not the end of the world.

Being a workaholic or work-obsessed is only part of the reason why successful people can feel depressed or unhappy with their lives. Snow says there’s a growing number of people suffering from “imposter syndrome.” It’s the belief that you aren’t directly responsible for your success, rather it’s all due to luck. The burden and sadness come from feeling ashamed that you are in fact an imposter.

“Depression doesn’t discriminate based on how much you have or how much you have accomplished,” says Bernard J. Tyson, CEO of Kaiser Permanente. “We need to fight the stigma around mental health issues to make it easier for people—including people who might look invincible to others—to come forward and seek care.”

Breel has seen it among his friends. “A lot of people struggle from massive insecurities and the reality is that they haven’t built a solid place of confidence for themselves,” he says. “Most of my friends are experiencing a ton of things below the surface. When you’re left alone, you revert to your true psychological nature. I think it’s very common,” he says. He’s right. This state of unsettling sadness and depression is becoming more prevalent in the United States. When asked about the past 12 months of their life, an estimated 16.2 million people 18 or older suffered at least one major depressive episode in the past year. And that number is on the rise.

But why?

The New Workaholic

Much of this pressure to succeed is tied to achieving the American Dream–whether that be material success, industry accolades, or notoriety. It’s been estimated that the average worker today is roughly 400% more productive than in 1950.⁴ Americans, it seems, are working harder than ever before. A recent Gallup poll found that adults working full time in the U.S. reportedly worked an average of 47 hours a week, with nearly 4 in 10 adults saying they worked at least 50 hours a week.⁵ And to some, that number sounds low.

What happens if you work too much? Research shows it can lead to a snowball effect where other parts of your life are impacted. The average American took about 20 days of vacation a year in 1978; in 2017, that’s down to 17.2 days a year.⁶ Sleep deprivation is also on the rise. A 2016 CDC report showed that one-third of American adults don’t get enough sleep.⁷

Today’s access to technology can make you feel that you are literally always on the clock ( see the companion article here for more on this). “Burnout” was a term coined in the 1970s, but it is gaining a particular relevance today. A 2017 report states that burnout in all sorts of professions is a new and growing phenomenon. Although people with burnout don’t always have depression, the report says burnout may increase the risk of someone getting depression.⁸

The Drifting American Dream

This brings us to Millennials, the generation now working harder to succeed and feeling the weight of the uptick in depression. According to Bensinger, DuPont & Associates, a firm that specializes in employee assistance programs, one in five Millennials said they have been depressed on the job, the most of any age group. With the economic ups and downs and worries about the future, that overwhelming sense of uncertainty weighs on Millennials and Gen Xers. Having to work harder to achieve the same things that previous generations got with less effort isn’t helping.

Looking at U.S. Census data from 2016, Millennials today are half as likely to own their homes as people their age in 1975.⁹ A NerdWallet retirement report found that based on projections, many young people won’t be able to retire until they’re 75. It’s just all around tougher to get by—not to mention all those student loans (the price of college has nearly doubled for Millennials since their parents went to school).

“Younger folks have additional challenges in trying to manage work-life balance and step back from work and attend to some other pursuits that would give them a sense of identity, meaning, and satisfaction,” Snow says. But the struggle to succeed can make it seem as if that’s not an option.

And Millennials aren’t the only group affected by the stresses of “making it.”

Latinos, America’s largest minority, have the highest levels of stress among Americans, according to a report from the American Psychological Association.¹¹ Of Latino youth, 22% have depressive symptoms.¹² Compounding the problem is the lower rates of diagnosis and likely to see a mental health professional than non-Hispanic black or non-Hispanic white persons with the same level of symptoms.¹³

Finding the Hope, Learning to Cope

Depression affects people differently, but there are some warning signs. Mood swings, losing interest in your favorite activities, weight loss or gain, drastic changes in sleep, and head or body aches that last more than two weeks are some of the classic symptoms.

But Dr. Snow says depression is a treatable condition. The first step is to talk about it. Breel, whose book, Boy Meets Depression came out in 2016 says, “Sometimes people get really worked up and they feel they have to tell every person they ever met. Find one person you trust and respect. See how that feels. Sometimes, that’s just so freeing.”

Breel also says he identifies with how frightening it can be to tell someone you’re suffering. “We build this stuff in our head. We’re primal creatures, and we’re wired to want to be accepted and loved and doing this contradicts that.”

That first conversation, Snow says, can lead you down a path of change. It may help you identify the problem at work. Whether it’s a horrible boss, too much travel, long hours, or not enough sleep, there are solutions. Try diversifying your life with volunteer work, more social interactions, and travel. If you need help figuring out where to start, a valuable resource could also be an employer’s EAP (employee assistance program).

Going back to that Harvard study, open communication and building good relationships can be truer secrets to success than fortune and fame. And knowing that each day brings the possibility of feeling better.

“The way you're feeling today doesn’t have to be the way you’re feeling tomorrow,” Snow says.

For more information and resources on depression from Kaiser Permanente, go to FindYourWords.org.

If you need help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255), a 24/7 resource that provides free, confidential support for people in distress and their loved ones. You can also connect with the Lifeline counselor online via chat. Lifeline services are also available in Spanish (1-888-628-9454). Tele-Interpreters are available to provide support in over 150 languages.