EVERYONE WANTS
TO BE LIED TO EVERYONE
WANTS TO BE
LIED TO
TO BE LIED TO EVERYONE
WANTS TO BE
LIED TO
A Former con man Reveals The Psychology
Of Being Conned
Of Being Conned
Watch the newest season of Sneaky Pete on Amazon Prime Video
Watch the newest season of Sneaky Pete on
Amazon Prime Video
Amazon Prime Video
"You have something that I want, and I'm going to get it from you in a way that you're going to be happy to give it to me." The confidence in Mark Borovitz's voice is bone-chilling. And it should be, as that's precisely what's required of a con man.
The brain of a con man is complicated. It's at once feeling less-than and entitled. Assured and vengeful. "It's usually from a trauma that I'm owed something, that makes me feel like, I'm gonna get mine, you'll never fuck me again. I'll fuck you before you fuck me." The con man must possess "superior intelligence," according to Borovitz, "and I'm not talking book smart, but really believing I'm the sharpest tool in the shed."
The victim? They only have to be human.
The Amazon Prime video series "Sneaky Pete" follows the story of a con man attempting to start a new life by assuming the identity of his former cell-mate. In an effort to better understand the psychology behind conning—from the con man's ego to the victim's altruism—we spoke with former con man Borovitz about his experiences.
The brain of a con man is complicated. It's at once feeling less-than and entitled. Assured and vengeful. "It's usually from a trauma that I'm owed something, that makes me feel like, I'm gonna get mine, you'll never fuck me again. I'll fuck you before you fuck me." The con man must possess "superior intelligence," according to Borovitz, "and I'm not talking book smart, but really believing I'm the sharpest tool in the shed."
The victim? They only have to be human.
The Amazon Prime video series "Sneaky Pete" follows the story of a con man attempting to start a new life by assuming the identity of his former cell-mate. In an effort to better understand the psychology behind conning—from the con man's ego to the victim's altruism—we spoke with former con man Borovitz about his experiences.
We also spoke to psychologist Tom Guarriello—well-versed in clinical psychology and transactional behavior—whose comments appear in red.
We also spoke to Tom Guarriello, a psychologist well-versed in transactional behavior and
clinical psychology. Tap the fingerprint beside
the hilighted sections to see Tom’s comments.
EMOTION VS.
LOGIC
LOGIC
When asked to define the noir-tinged term "patsy," Borovitz sighs and takes a long pause. His answer is much more nuanced than the crime movie sucker that most people imagine.
"A patsy is somebody who has a deep, very serious need to be accepted, to be liked, to be part of something, and is willing to go against what they know makes sense and is right."
And it's a con man's job to make them feel wanted, included, and loved. Borovitz's definition is a loaded one, and one that applies to a range of human relationships outside of the con man and the patsy.
"Look at how many people fall in love," he continued. "And then they find out that the person they thought they were in love with has no relationship
Processes motivation and conjures feelings like enthusiasm or excitement. A perfect victim is easily convinced and eager.
Fronto-striatal network (2)
Responsible for feelings of self-confidence. A perfect victim possesses just enough of it to feel that they deserve what they're after, but not enough of it to overcome the need for validation and affirmation.
Prefrontal cortex (3)
Impulse control and feelings of desire. The perfect victim wants a great deal, and is unable to stop themselves from getting it, no matter how unsavory the circumstances.
to the person they're with." That's a patsy.
But why are we so eager to buy lies? Why does emotion blind us? "Part of it is that they want to believe. Human beings have a tremendous need to be deceived." Borovitz went on to quote a rabbi he admires. "Self-deception is a major disease. Because, to see the truth and to really deal with it is very painful."
"Even though [your victim knows] that, wait a minute, something here's not right, the good con artist overrides that, because he's got you so emotionally attached to him." It's a mental space that Borovitz refers to as "the ether," in which emotion totally silences logic.
The key is to make the victim feel like you truly care about them. "I know what's going on in the victim's world. Their business, their personal life," Borovitz says. A strong emotional bond trumps any doubt.
"…some cons are completely heartless, they're just sociopaths," Borovitz is quick to point out that often, it's impossible not to feel bad for a victim. "But not bad enough to walk away. The need to follow it through almost overrides that."
Processes motivation and conjures feelings like enthusiasm or excitement. A perfect victim is easily convinced and eager.
Fronto-striatal network (2)
Responsible for feelings of self-confidence. A perfect victim possesses just enough of it to feel that they deserve what they're after, but not enough of it to overcome the need for validation and affirmation.
Prefrontal cortex (3)
Impulse control and feelings of desire. The perfect victim wants a great deal, and is unable to stop themselves from getting it, no matter how unsavory the circumstances.
"A patsy is somebody who has a deep, very serious need to be accepted, to be liked, to be part of something, and is willing to go against what they know makes sense and is right."
And it's a con man's job to make them feel wanted, included, and loved. Borovitz's definition is a loaded one, and one that applies to a range of human relationships outside of the con man and the patsy.
"Look at how many people fall in love," he continued. "And then they find out that the person they thought they were in love with has no relationship
THE MIND OF A PERFECT VICTIM
Basal forebrain (1)Processes motivation and conjures feelings like enthusiasm or excitement. A perfect victim is easily convinced and eager.
Fronto-striatal network (2)
Responsible for feelings of self-confidence. A perfect victim possesses just enough of it to feel that they deserve what they're after, but not enough of it to overcome the need for validation and affirmation.
Prefrontal cortex (3)
Impulse control and feelings of desire. The perfect victim wants a great deal, and is unable to stop themselves from getting it, no matter how unsavory the circumstances.
But why are we so eager to buy lies? Why does emotion blind us? "Part of it is that they want to believe. Human beings have a tremendous need to be deceived." Borovitz went on to quote a rabbi he admires. "Self-deception is a major disease. Because, to see the truth and to really deal with it is very painful."
"Even though [your victim knows] that, wait a minute, something here's not right, the good con artist overrides that, because he's got you so emotionally attached to him." It's a mental space that Borovitz refers to as "the ether," in which emotion totally silences logic.
The key is to make the victim feel like you truly care about them. "I know what's going on in the victim's world. Their business, their personal life," Borovitz says. A strong emotional bond trumps any doubt.
"…some cons are completely heartless, they're just sociopaths," Borovitz is quick to point out that often, it's impossible not to feel bad for a victim. "But not bad enough to walk away. The need to follow it through almost overrides that."
THE MIND OF A PERFECT VICTIM
Basal forebrain (1)Processes motivation and conjures feelings like enthusiasm or excitement. A perfect victim is easily convinced and eager.
Fronto-striatal network (2)
Responsible for feelings of self-confidence. A perfect victim possesses just enough of it to feel that they deserve what they're after, but not enough of it to overcome the need for validation and affirmation.
Prefrontal cortex (3)
Impulse control and feelings of desire. The perfect victim wants a great deal, and is unable to stop themselves from getting it, no matter how unsavory the circumstances.
“When we're willing to go along with something we know isn't right or makes no sense, we're usually up to something ourselves: cons work best on us when we're out to get one over on the world, to beat the odds.”
“The con artist casts a kind of spell in which s/he creates an emotional fog that blocks out common sense and logic in favor of the allure of magical possibilities, and "what ifs…."”
The key to creating a good persona is more than just a fake I.D. The person you become has to be aspirational, attractive, and someone you'd want to be around. "I'm affable, friendly, helpful. I come off as caring and as seriously interested in you." According to Borovitz, the victim should feel that, "I want to be with this guy because being with this guy makes me better," he explains. "Like, "Wow, if this person likes me or if this person is doing something with me, aren't I lucky!""
In short, you're playing on someone's insecurities.
But, of course, a fake ID helps, too. "I had a different name, different IDs, everything was made up. You build a story," Borovitz says. "A long con is setting up a credit bureau in that phony name months, years before you're gonna have to use it. You always want to establish three or four different identities."
Whether three or four or 400, Borovitz emphasized how confident your persona has to be. And even more important: "The best con men never come across as desperate."
In short, you're playing on someone's insecurities.
But, of course, a fake ID helps, too. "I had a different name, different IDs, everything was made up. You build a story," Borovitz says. "A long con is setting up a credit bureau in that phony name months, years before you're gonna have to use it. You always want to establish three or four different identities."
Whether three or four or 400, Borovitz emphasized how confident your persona has to be. And even more important: "The best con men never come across as desperate."
“The con artist's best victim is likely to have significant feelings of inferiority in the presence of the artist and unconsciously yearns for the artist's approval."
“The "con" in "con artist" is the "confidence" the artist exhibits in her/himself and generates in the victim. Desperation would break the spell immediately.”
It can't be rushed. It can't be pushy. "Getting the goods is it. That's the holy grail."
"You've got to keep it smooth or else it'll fall apart," Borovitz says. A true con man will stay calm, and completely in tune with what the victim is feeling. "You want them to feel like they're in control," no matter how far
you're taking them out of their comfort zone. And at times, this may involve knowing when to walk away.
"There are deals that I did," Borovitz explains, "[when I said] "Look, it's cool if you don't want to be a part of it. I love you."" And he'd get up and walk away. "95% of the time, as soon as you walk away, [the victim] gets desperate. As long as the con stays cool, the victim is the one that's desperate."
And once it's done, the excitement and satisfaction can't appear on their face.
"There's an inner euphoria that you never show anybody. You celebrate in any number of ways, but it's not an outward thing."
When asked if even the best cons were ever followed by a fear of getting caught, Borovitz says that that's just not part of the way a con man thinks. "It's hard to get caught up in fear, because you're the sharpest tool in the shed. Remember?"
The only thing that could ruin it all? "You might develop a conscience," he says, "which, for a con man, is the worst thing in the world."
"You've got to keep it smooth or else it'll fall apart," Borovitz says. A true con man will stay calm, and completely in tune with what the victim is feeling. "You want them to feel like they're in control," no matter how far
DEFINING A PATSY
Patsy is a term first used in the United States in the 1870s, amid the height of the Irish migration. The Oxford English Dictionary poses a link between Patsy and Pat or Paddy (the lowest class of Irishman, who would've been just off the boat at this time). The American Heritage Dictionary suggests it's derived from the Italian term pazzo, meaning "madman," or paccio, which means "fool." By the end of the 19th and the beginning of the 20th centuries, Patsy was the name of a popular, gullible character in vaudeville shows and Broadway musicals. Today, Merriam Webster defines "patsy" as "a person who is easily manipulated or victimized."
"There are deals that I did," Borovitz explains, "[when I said] "Look, it's cool if you don't want to be a part of it. I love you."" And he'd get up and walk away. "95% of the time, as soon as you walk away, [the victim] gets desperate. As long as the con stays cool, the victim is the one that's desperate."
And once it's done, the excitement and satisfaction can't appear on their face.
"There's an inner euphoria that you never show anybody. You celebrate in any number of ways, but it's not an outward thing."
When asked if even the best cons were ever followed by a fear of getting caught, Borovitz says that that's just not part of the way a con man thinks. "It's hard to get caught up in fear, because you're the sharpest tool in the shed. Remember?"
The only thing that could ruin it all? "You might develop a conscience," he says, "which, for a con man, is the worst thing in the world."
DEFINING A PATSY
Patsy is a term first used in the United States in the 1870s, amid the height of the Irish migration. The Oxford English Dictionary poses a link between Patsy and Pat or Paddy (the lowest class of Irishman, who would've been just off the boat at this time). The American Heritage Dictionary suggests it's derived from the Italian term pazzo, meaning "madman," or paccio, which means "fool." By the end of the 19th and the beginning of the 20th centuries, Patsy was the name of a popular, gullible character in vaudeville shows and Broadway musicals. Today, Merriam Webster defines "patsy" as "a person who is easily manipulated or victimized."
“The artist knows the power of behaving in unexpected ways. Willingness to walk away from the con is taken by the victim as a sign of the artist's honesty, often met with apologetic pleas to "please let me back in."”
“Here is the con artist"s feeling of superiority in its purest form: I"m above the need to have others recognize the brilliance of my work, my own knowledge of my superiority is sufficient.”
“The "con" the con artist lacks is "conscience," which is rooted in our fellow-feeling with others. If the artist even momentarily views the victim as an actual person in every way identical to the artist—an individual whose life will be irrevocably harmed by the con—the spell is broken.”
DISAPPEARING
WHEN IT'S OVER DISAPPEARING
WHEN IT'S
OVER
WHEN IT'S OVER DISAPPEARING
WHEN IT'S
OVER
"Look… I have to go take care of my mother."
If the con man has done his job, the victim will believe anything he says. Not only will they believe that you have to go take care of your mother, but they'll offer to help in any way possible.
To successfully disappear when you've taken what you want, you need a comprehensive escape plan (no matter how basic the excuse is to leave). "You have to know where you're going, you have to have a new set of ID." At any given time, Borovitz might've had no less than four identities, each with their own ID card.
"The best con is when somebody doesn't even know they've been conned for months, years later," he explains. It takes a perfect combination of trailblazing and trail covering to pull this off. In the beginning, knowing everything about your victim is essential. In the end, it's all about making sure they know nothing about you.
But no matter how successful a magician you are, committing a con has long-lasting consequences for the con man himself—beyond jail time. In his book "The Holy Thief," Borovitz details a life of addiction, guilt, and broken relationships with the people he loved.
If the con man has done his job, the victim will believe anything he says. Not only will they believe that you have to go take care of your mother, but they'll offer to help in any way possible.
To successfully disappear when you've taken what you want, you need a comprehensive escape plan (no matter how basic the excuse is to leave). "You have to know where you're going, you have to have a new set of ID." At any given time, Borovitz might've had no less than four identities, each with their own ID card.
"The best con is when somebody doesn't even know they've been conned for months, years later," he explains. It takes a perfect combination of trailblazing and trail covering to pull this off. In the beginning, knowing everything about your victim is essential. In the end, it's all about making sure they know nothing about you.
But no matter how successful a magician you are, committing a con has long-lasting consequences for the con man himself—beyond jail time. In his book "The Holy Thief," Borovitz details a life of addiction, guilt, and broken relationships with the people he loved.
“The victim's need to be embraced by the artist (rooted in feelings of inferiority) shows itself in many ways.”
LIES OF FAMOUS CONS
Victor Lustig (1890 - 1947)The Lie: He was a government official that could no longer maintain the rusting Eiffel Tower and wished to sell it to the metal dealer with the highest bid.
Soapy Smith (1860 - 1898)
The Lie: He sold "prize soap" to large crowds, claiming that one soap cake had $100 in it. His partner in crime was planted in the crowd with one duty: to shout that he'd won.
David Hampton (1964 - 2003)
The Lie: After failing to gain entry into popular nightclub Studio54, Hampton told well-off club-goers he was the son of a celebrity, down on his luck. Not only was he allowed into the club, but gullible celebrities gave him money and lodging.
IN THE END
Borovitz's advice for avoiding cons is deceptively plain. You should bail when, "you find yourself agreeing with something that actually goes against your own principles, or when something is too good to be true."
But Borovitz isn't a patsy. He knows that the reasons we're most susceptible to cons lie deep within our nature as human beings.
The Lie: He was a government official that could no longer maintain the rusting Eiffel Tower and wished to sell it to the metal dealer with the highest bid.
Soapy Smith (1860 - 1898)
The Lie: He sold "prize soap" to large crowds, claiming that one soap cake had $100 in it. His partner in crime was planted in the crowd with one duty: to shout that he'd won.
David Hampton (1964 - 2003)
The Lie: After failing to gain entry into popular nightclub Studio54, Hampton told well-off club-goers he was the son of a celebrity, down on his luck. Not only was he allowed into the club, but gullible celebrities gave him money and lodging.
Our innate desire to see the good in somebody else is actually what does us in.
It's strange to think, though, that it's in our best interest to constantly suspect every person we come across, and to abandon them at the first red flag. "Giving somebody a second chance," Borovitz explains, "is paramount to being human, because everyone makes mistakes. But they have to earn it. As soon as you're willing to excuse bad behavior without holding people accountable, you're susceptible to the con."
Indeed, Borovitz's advice can be applied to a myriad of everyday relationships. "As soon as you start to excuse someone's bad behavior, you're in it."
But Borovitz isn't a patsy. He knows that the reasons we're most susceptible to cons lie deep within our nature as human beings.
LIES OF FAMOUS CONS
Victor Lustig (1890 - 1947)The Lie: He was a government official that could no longer maintain the rusting Eiffel Tower and wished to sell it to the metal dealer with the highest bid.
Soapy Smith (1860 - 1898)
The Lie: He sold "prize soap" to large crowds, claiming that one soap cake had $100 in it. His partner in crime was planted in the crowd with one duty: to shout that he'd won.
David Hampton (1964 - 2003)
The Lie: After failing to gain entry into popular nightclub Studio54, Hampton told well-off club-goers he was the son of a celebrity, down on his luck. Not only was he allowed into the club, but gullible celebrities gave him money and lodging.
It's strange to think, though, that it's in our best interest to constantly suspect every person we come across, and to abandon them at the first red flag. "Giving somebody a second chance," Borovitz explains, "is paramount to being human, because everyone makes mistakes. But they have to earn it. As soon as you're willing to excuse bad behavior without holding people accountable, you're susceptible to the con."
Indeed, Borovitz's advice can be applied to a myriad of everyday relationships. "As soon as you start to excuse someone's bad behavior, you're in it."
“The victim's ability to focus on her/his experience is the best "con early warning system." Feeling that things are "getting weird" or "wait a minute, how...?" are clear indications that something is not right. At a minimum, one should initiate a "cooling off period" to think things over before making any commitments.”
“This is a con artist's version of human nature. Our innate desire to see the "good" in others (i.e., reading signals of mutual social benefit) is what has made our species the most successful on the planet. That this orientation can be hijacked by con artists does not mean our most successful way of dealing with others is to attribute nefarious motives to everyone we meet; it should only remind us to "be careful out there" and remember that evil exists.”
“Great advice. It's in our best interest to remember that evil exists and to let the logical consequences of another's behavior play themselves out in our responses to them. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”
“Making up excuses for another's repeated bad behavior is a dead giveaway that you've been conned.”